


Meant to be

by Alisonsincler



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: AU, Character Death, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alisonsincler/pseuds/Alisonsincler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you miss her?”<br/>“I've never known her.”</p><p>AU. A piece doesn't fit right where it was supposed to. The story changes and so do people.<br/>But she can feel that something isn't right and flashes of something that never happened keep harassing her mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meant to be

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I had this AU idea in mind for a while now. English isn't mt first language and I therefore apologize for my mistakes.  
> Now without further ado, let's go.

_**2014**_

“Do you miss her?”  
“I've never known her.”

_**1786**_

“We are going to have to change city again.”  
“Probably.”  
“It's all his fault.”  
Matska let out a small laugh.  
The two figures were standing in a rather large field. It was spring and a soft wind was blowing, chilling the air all around them. Tree branches were slowly swinging in a quiet dance.  
“You used to be like him, you know?” The dark-skinned woman said.  
“I did not,” stated stubbornly Arcmilla, clearly annoyed by the assumption. She crossed her arms and kept staring ahead of her, not really looking at anything.  
“Yes, you did. You are all the same for the first couple of years,” she drew a deep breath and patted her sister in the shoulder, amused. “Clumsy and awkward mosquitoes.”  
Arcmilla sulked for a little bit. She hated this situation.  
William risked once more to drew attentions towards them with one of his foolish actions. Mother wasn't happy with it and her patience was a very thin bar, already running low.  
“If he doesn't learn to control himself..” She didn't finish her sentence. They both knew what was the destiny of those who didn't please Maman.  
“Then teach him.” Said with a shrug Mattie.  
“He's an obnoxious, stupid baby!” She groaned, like physically pained by the idea.  
Mattie sighed heavily and laid her arm around Arcmilla's shoulders. She tilted her head slighlty and watched the brunette with a big grin. Arcmilla had such a fierce look in her eyes and her determination steamed all around her.  
Matska knew that deep down her sister felt sorry for William. She knew that her heart ached with every new soul that was murdered and thrown in that mess that was their lives.  
“You'll be a great big sister.” She said confidently.  
At these words Arcmilla's eyes softened and she lowered her gaze.  
“I've learnt from the best.”  
Matska groaned with a disgusted face. “Enough with this sentimental crap,” she tightened her grip on Arcmilla's shoulders, bringing her into a quick hug. “I'm going to have to eat a couple of paesants to wash all these feelings away.”  
They both laughed a little, starting to slowly head back to the house.

_**1873**_

“Yes Maman, I do remember correctly the plan.” sighed Mircalla. The plan hadn't changed at all in a century now.  
The horses were spooked at a duly convenient time, quickly the Lord of the nearby estate hurried at the crash site and soon enough he volunteered himself to take good care of the injured girl during her mother urgent trip.  
The carriege got back on its way and Mircalla was led in the household for the much not needed care, looking forward to meet the beautiful Ell.

“You have been living with us for nearly three month now and for the love of God, I've never seen you up before noon,” pointed out an amused Ell, when Mircalla appeared on top of the stairs, making her way towards the dining room, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.  
“And no day goes by without you remarking that, my dear,” said the brunette with a tender smile, approaching the table where father and daugher where having lunch.  
“Enough with this nosense dear, let her enjoy her rest,” admonished Mr. Brunner. Mircalla was now standing next to Ell, her right arm laid lazily on the back of Ell's chair. “Despite our best efforts though, you always look extremely pale, darling” said with a concerned tone Mr Brunner.  
“But I feel perfectly well, Sir,” informed with a calm voice and a sweet smile the girl. “Certainly all thanks to your outstanding care.”  
Mr Brunner seemed satisfied wih the answer and carried on with his meal, a content look in his eyes.  
Mircalla turned to Ell, who was giggling. She flashed her a bright smile, “Since you seem to be in such a good mood,” started Mircalla, “why don't we go for a walk in the garden? It's such a beautiful day.”  
Ell thought about it for a moment. “But you haven't eaten anything,” objected.  
Mircalla smirked and then threw a questioning look towards Mr Brunner, who smiling knowingly, nodded; she then slowly headed towards the door, hearing behind her Ell's chair scrape the floor. The girl gave a quick kiss in his father temple and hurried to follow Mircalla.

They walked under the warm gaze of the sun in a comfortable silence, enjoying the peaceful and wonderful view. It sure was a beautiful day.  
“I really loved the time I spent here,” said Mircalla, looking and the clear sky above her. “I really loved the time I spent with you.”  
Ell turned to look with fondess at the dark haired girl.

The first night she saw her, she didn't get the chance to talk to her because of her injured conditions, and some day went by before she had been able to spend some proper time with her. But from the beginning she had been extremely ecstatic about the friendship possibility that was lying ahead of her. Locked in her castle, these kind of occasions were extremely rare, and she didn't let this gift slip. She felt a deep affection towards her father, with whom she had spend most of her life and shared most of her time, but she felt like she needed something different, something more.  
She, therefore, tried her best to make the new guest comfortable and soon enough they created a pure and strong bond. They spent afternoons together and, despite Ell didn't approve of the Mircalla's night wandering she had to keep from her father, their relationship grew so deep she now feared the day her friend was to leave with her Mother.  
“And I'm very glad you did,” replyed, intertwining her arm with Mircalla's and leaning on her.  
“My mother will be here any day now,” her face was serious, when she finally looked her friend in the eyes.  
Ell lowered her gaze, some strands of hair slipping down to cover her face. Mircalla stopped and tucked some strains of hair behind Ell's ear with a soft smile, and raising her chin with her other hand she saw all the saddness that those wells of gold held.  
“We could run away, you know? Just you and me, we could see the world and run away from this cage.”  
Ell face fell quickly from one of confusion and shock to one of deep thought and meditation.  
Mircalla stilled for a second holding her breath, inches close to her impossible dream.

She had suggestedd the idea without premeditation, but now that she had said it out loud, she realized that that was all she had ever wanted. Since the fist day she met Ell, she felt different about her own abominable nature. That sweet and caring girl looked at her with adoration and made her feel worthy of love, worthy of something more that a lifeless life. Many times she had allowed herself to daydream about how differently things were going to work out this time, and how maybe, Ell could have been the one to save her from herself. With this in mind, she couldn't bare the thought of giving her up to Mother.

“I don't know if I would be able to leave my Father like this,” and in her words you could have read all the misery of the world. Mircalla heart skipped a beat while she felt her dream shattering to the ground.  
Suddently she was panicking and all the weight of the realization about what was going to happen to this girl hit her hard.  
Before she could manage to express any coherent thought, Ell spoke again with a firm look, “Where will we be going?”.  
Mircalla heart exploded with joy at those words and she couldn't catch her breath while rambling about all the city she could think about “Wherever we what, we could do whatever we want!” She took Ell's hands in hers, hoping she could comunicate to her all the excitment she was feeling. “We would be so happy, and we would be together.” She was smiling so much her face was hurting.  
She could see Ell was thrilled as well but doubts still clouded her face.  
“Will I be safe with you?” Asked Ell with a hint of concern in her voice.

Mircalla face fell as she remembered that she was no common girl. She had baggage that would have followed her everywhere and a Mother that would have never let her slip away so easily. She was an undead and nothing safe comes with that.  
A million thought crossed her head and two clear paths unrolled ahead of her: she could have lied to Ell, tell her that everything was going to be fine, pack her things that night, and run away with her the next morning, forcing her into a life of unknown danger and horror because of her selfishness; or she could have told her the truth about her nature and her story, not lying about the danger of the upcoming adventure.  
She was deeply convinced that Ell learnt to accept her for what she really was and she could only hope that a side effect like her being a vampire wouldn't change her feelings towards Mircalla.  
On the other hand, what she was feeling was terribly close to love and the thought of ruin it all by scaring her off kept bothering her mind.  
Something in her was screaming to just take the girl and run away. It was a driving feeling, from somewhere really deep. Her soul was demanding for her to just go. But without a real explanation Mircalla couldn't bring herself to listen to it.  
Maybe it was that growing feeling of affection, maybe Fate just wasn't paying attention, but in that moment she chose the opposite path.

The blonde girl standing in front of her was waiting with expectant eyes, filled with hope and incertitude.  
“Ell..”  
“Just promise me we will be happy,” Ell breathed out, “Tell me we will live every moment and experience every second,” She paused briefly, looking intensely in Mircalla eyes, “but also tell me that my poor Father will not have to worry about her daughter, that I will be safe, because one day I will come back to him.” Her words sounded like a hopeful plead, waiting now with dreamingly eyes for an answer.  
“I will make you that promise love, but before, there is something important I have to tell you,” said Mircalla slighlty above a whisper.  
Ell was confused by these words and Mircalla quickly told her “I will think of everything myelf, I will get everything ready.” She softly kissed Ell knuckles. There was a rush in her actions. “Trust me my dear, tonight you will know everything, and tomorrow morning we will be on our way.” A hint of something hysterical in her voice.  
Ell nodded hesitant. Mircalla instructed her on how and when to meet her that night and the two parted, both headed to sort their things before their journey.

Through the silence of the night, covered by the shadows of the dark, two figures met up on their usual bench. It was quite distant from the house and a big willow was protecting their secret encounter.  
They were facing each other. Great concern but also hope filled Mircalla's face. Trepidation and expectation Ell's. Mircalla drew a deep breath.  
“Mircalla what is it?” in her voice there was a plead. “Why all this? What is wrong?” She wasn't stupid. She knew that if the had to prepare such a secret encounter, then there was something serious going on.  
“Maybe I just wanted to see how beautiful you look under the moonlight.” Said Mircalla with a soft grin.  
“Don't joke, I am very concerned!”.  
Mircalla tenderly caressed her cheek. A ghost of a smile plastered in her face.  
“I need you to know the truth about something..” she started, fixing her gaze somewhere in Ell's lips, not able to look her in eyes.

Some minutes later a terrified Ell was slowly walking backwards, distancing herself from Mircalla with her hands held in front of herself in defense. She was shaking and she was having trouble breathing. “Y-You are..” she was stuttering. There was terror in her eyes, her body language read pure fear.  
Mircalla was slowly standing up. She was trying to explain herself. _It wasn't her fault she was like this. She didn't ask for this_. But most of all she was now panicking, knowing she may have screwed up her only chance to break free.  
“ _Y-you are a monster_ ,” managed to choke out Ell in a whisper.  
Mircalla tried to say something but she couldn't get anything out. She reached with her hands for Ell, but the girl shrieked away.  
“ _Get away from me_ ,” she murmured. " _Stay away from me, you monster_.” She said with more steadiness.  
Mircalla stumbled in her feet. With wide eyes and a broken heart she tried once more to reach out. She needed her to understand, she knew she would have understood in the end, she just needed to explain. She was the same person as before, nothing changed. She was her Ell, _they belonged together_ , she accepeted her for who she truly was. “Just let-”  
This time Ell raised her voice and almost yelled, “I said stay away! _I don't want anything to do with you!_ ” Her tone was filled with abhorrence and astonishment. Her voice was a ghost of what it used to be.  
Mircalla coudn't say a word, unable to wrap her mind around the fact that Ell was rejecting her, scared and disgusted by her.  
Anybody else would have seen such an harsh reaction coming, but Mircalla was blinded by hope and expectations, not realizing how much her dreams were fogging her mind.  
Ell's screams were reaching an alarming level of loudness.  
Mircalla's sight was blurred because of the tears. Her heart was pounding so hard she couldn't hear anything but the sound of her own frantic thoughts.  
Suddently Ell's screaming stopped. Panicking, she looked around with wide eyes.  
Relief and fear washed over her when she took sight of Will holding an unconscious Ell in his arm, and Mother watching her with an unreadable expression.  
This was the end of her. Her Mother could never forgive this kind of betrayals.  
“ _Well done darling_ ,” said Mother with great composure.  
Mircalla hesitated. This was unexpected. She blinked a few time trying to regain a decent enough look.  
She turned towards Ell, her instinct yelling at her to run and save Ell, to take her away from them.  
“ _Y-you are a monster,” “Get away from me._ ” The words were booming in her head while she felt Mother's eyes on her. She steadied herself and built a disaffected look.  
Mircalla slowly made her way towards Maman, feeling defeated and ashamed, but with ice in her eyes.  
_Ell could never love me._ Her heart ached every time her mind reminded her that.  
“Now now dear, did you get too attached to the target?” Asked surprised Mother. A certain edge in her words.  
“I did not Mother,” said Mircalla. Her body defleated. She felt numb. Nothing made sense anymore while she tried to organize her flying thoughts.  
_Noboy could ever love me._  
She had no-one but her family. Them only would understand and love her for what she truly was: _a monster_.  
She rested her head on her mother's shoulder.  
“That's my glittering girl.” Said Maman with a satisfied grin, all doubts disappeared from her eyes.  
“ _Stone cannot love flesh._ ” Whispered Mircalla with a blank stare.  
Will was watching from his corner with a blank expression. He was hiding well his concern, concealing it under the shadow of a grin. He shifted the body he was carrying from his arm to his shoulder, trying to diverg his attention from the pain he could read in Mircalla's eyes, trying to be deaf to sound of her heart's bits shattering.  
“This pets are not worthy of us my dear.” Said in her firm tone Mother. She caressed briefly Mircalla's hair, before going back to business.  
“We have what we need, now let's go children.” Her words were spoken slowly, her glance lost somewhere.  
Mircalla watched Ell's body hanging ungracefully from Will's shoulder. She felt like something wasn't right, like this wasn't as it was supposed to happen and her heart was drowning. She was confused, disoriented, while a wooden prison was tightening around her.  
Her Mother snapped her our of her daze, shaking her shouder lightly. “We have to go darling,” she said with a serious expression.  
Mircalla looked around with wild eyes. After a moment she slowly nodded.

The next moning, Mr Brunner's grief for her missing daughter shook everything around his property.

_**1917**_

She was running as fast as she could through the forest. Her mind was frantic, her movements were rushed. Sweat was dripping from her when she came to a stop.  
She kept having these dreams. Awful dreams.  
She couldn't shake this feeling off of herself, no matter how fast she run, no matter how wildy free she made herself feel.  
She felt crashed, oppressed, squashed. Her dreams where filled with red, but she could never get to focus what she was looking at; she was more like drowing in it, it was all around her.  
She couldn't breath.  
Her sight was blurred.  
Her ears were ringing.  
“You okay there, kitty?”  
She snapped out of it.  
Her trail of thoughts interrupted by Will appearing behind her.  
She slowly turned to face him, already picturing his stupid grin from the tone he had used.  
“I just needed some fresh air.” She answered nonchalantly. Her eyes were bored when she looked at him, her mask was on point.  
“Yeah, I understand, it must be hard to find some, living in the country.” He mocked her.  
Annoyance was painted in Racmilla's eyes.  
“What do you want, William.” She said with a flat tone and an irritated look.  
“Oh no please stop,” he whined, helding his arms in front of himself, “you are killing me with all this overwhelming welcome-back love!”  
When Racmilla did nothing else but stare at him coldly, he lowered his arms with a big smile and walked quickly towards her, wrapping her in a tight hug.  
“Oh my god William, get off me!” She protested rather forceful. “I don't do hu- For the love of God William!” She exclaimed, pushing a clearly amused and now in full laughing-mode William away.  
“Okay, okay,” He was holding his arm up in surrender. “I missed you.” He said, with softer eyes, but still keeping up his mocking smile.  
“Yeah yeah, whatever,” She waved him off, rolling her eyes.

They were now walking around Maman's property and catching up a little. William was doing most of the talking and Racmilla was listening, faking boredom, but actually interested in knowing what his little brother has been up to for the past year.  
“You are so lost without me,” stated with a smug grin Racmilla.  
“Am not!” Pouted Will.  
“I can't even _begin_ to think of what kind of imbecile you would have turned into without me.”  
They laughed a little after William faked being offended by the statement.  
Then the silence that fell upon them was broken by Will.  
“But it's true you know.”  
The conversation now shifted to a more tense note. Racmilla remained silent.  
“Without you to humble me all these years with your stupid wit..” he paused, looking at his joined hands -where his thumb was rubbing against the palm of the other hand- and then ahead of himself. “I don't think I would have like the person I would have become.”  
Racmilla seemed to be in deep thought, then Will bumped their shoulders, “Don't flatter yourself too much though.” He added, with a huge grin, trying to lighten the mood.  
“I almost wasn't there, was I?” Racmilla asked with a very serious look, not daring to turn towards Will.  
“What do you mean?” He was surprised.  
“That time, that- that girl.” She got out, hoping he would understand. Words somehow got stuck in her troath.  
“You did your job, there nothing else to say.” He cut out, the smile disappearing from his face.  
“But I did not, I-” She drew a deep breath trying to regain some composure.  
She found a more steady voice and went on. “I know it, you know it, Maman knows it.”  
She let some silence linger between them.  
“Why wasn't I punished?” The question cut through the air, like it has been there for ages.  
William looked at the ground swallowing hard.  
“You did yo-”  
“I DID NOT!” Retorted with anger Racmilla.  
“I did not..” she repeated with a low murmur, stopping in her tracks and fixing her eyes to the groung, clenching her fists.  
William stopped by her side but said nothing.  
“I was ready to run away, I was-”  
“But you didn't.” Stated as a matter of fact Will. “You didn't and you chose us.”  
“Did I?” Her voice was small, like a plead.  
“Yes, of course you did!” He reassured her, taking her shoulders with his hands and trying to get her to look at him. “You- that was just a dream, okay?”  
At that, she finally looked at him. In his eyes there was so much affection but also pity, and she coulnd't stand it. But she needed it, she needed to look in his eyes and find what she coulnd't find in herself, she needed to know that she had made the right decision.  
“You weren't in love with her,” his tone was firm, “You were in love with the idea that that girl rapresented.” Taking her hands in his, he looked her in the eyes.  
“But you belong with us, and- and you chose to come with us that night.”  
They stayed like that for a moment, eyes gazing in one another.  
“She wouldn't have loved me for who I really am.” She said with a defeated tone. She felt so vulnerable and yet so stupid for talking about it, but she coulnd't help it.  
“No.” It was a whisper. “She couldn't understand.”  
In his words there was so much implied that Racmilla understood. With a weak nod, she started walking again.  
“And she wasn't that great of a looker anyway.” She said with a pretentious tone. Her composure ragained and her fierce look again in place.  
She heard Will laughing hard behind her while jogging a little to catch up to her pace.

“That's my glittering girl!” She heard Will call out, mocking their Mother tone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading (Yes, I'm looking at you), and since this is my first work I would really appreciate some feedbacks!  
> Also if anybody were to be interested in beta-reading the story contact me, because that would be helpful.  
> Should I continue this?


End file.
